Preached on 10/04/2009 at Peoples Church Unitarian Universalist
Reverend Forrest Church, acclaimed author, theologian, and Unitarian Universalist parish minister died September 24, 2009. He had served All Souls Parish in New York City for thirty years. He struggled with esophageal cancer for three years, but did not let this interfere with his ministry. He preached his farewell sermon on the verge of his death five times on five consecutive Sundays—saying, “After two or three poignant farewell sermons, I am almost embarrassed this morning to be seen in public upright.” Reverend Dr. Forrest Church wrote much about facing death and about living life knowing that he was going to die. In his latest, but not last, book, Love and Death: My Journey through the Valley of the Shadow, he speaks eloquently about how the love we share is the most thing that lives on past our physical death. In 2008 speaking to the New York Times about his life, he concluded, “I look back without regrets, and I look forward without fear. I have never been more present.”
We will all die some day. You could die today. We all know this on an intellectual, rational level, but how often do we really reflect on our own mortality, and the legacy we will leave behind? Today, as I ask you to consider your own death, could you say that you look back on your life without regrets, look forward without fear, and be fully in the present? Most of us don’t even think about our death, until we are forced to face it because the death of a loved one, our own illness, or old age.
Psychologist Erik Erickson described our final stage of psychological development as Integrity vs. Despair. We generally enter this stage when faced with death or our old age. It is during this stage that we contemplate our accomplishments and develop integrity if we see ourselves as having led a successful, meaningful, purposeful life. However, if we see our life as having been unproductive, lacking purpose or meaning, we may feel dissatisfied with our life and develop despair, which can lead to depression and hopelessness. I often wonder why we wait until we are forced by circumstances to consider our life, to reflect back on what our life has been, to consider how we live our lives now, and discern whether we have left anything undone. Are we are afraid of death? Perhaps a lingering painful death? Do we fear the pain our death will cause others?
But I ask you today, to put aside for a moment, the fear that might rise up in you thinking about your death. And focus on this question: what would change if you did pause from your routine and busy life and, at least once, reflect on the limited amount of time you are given to live your life? Would you live your life differently is you deeply embraced the inevitability of your death?
Forrest Church upon given his diagnosis of cancer, wondered, “Every minister worth his or her salt spends a lifetime preparing for death’s exam. A year ago this month, [I asked myself] just how strong the theological framework I had built for myself met the test. With compelling reason to believe that my number had been called, I finally got the chance to see if the balm I had brought over the years to the bedsides of your loved ones would salve my own fresh wound. During the days after my diagnosis, through my brain, as if on a Mobius loop, cycled my theological mantras: religion is our human response to the dual reality of being alive and having to die; we are the religious animal; knowing that we must die, we cannot help but question what life means; we are more alike in our ignorance, than we differ in our knowledge; God is not God’s name. God is our name for that which is greater than all and yet present in each; whether or not there is life after death, surely there is love after death; the one thing [that] can never be taken away from us, even by death, is the love we give away before we die; the purpose of life is to live in such a way, that our lives will prove worth dying for.” Even after facing his imminent death, Forest felt his framework standing strong, though it was severely tested.
As Unitarian Universalists, we have varied understandings/beliefs about what happens after we die, but I think it is safe to say that few Unitarian Universalists align their everyday existence preparing for an afterlife. I also think it is safe to say that most Unitarian Universalists live their lives in the here and now, concentrating on what they can do to make their world a better place for themselves and for others. I would take this a step further to say that many Unitarian Universalists don’t think about death, because death is an ending, not the beginning of another existence. Even Unitarian Universalist memorial services, which I think are very moving and healing, don’t focus on death—Unitarian Universalists celebrate the life of the deceased.
So why am I asking a group of Unitarian Universalists to think about their death. Because I believe affirming our limited lifespan, we are more likely to live our lives, not only fully and richly, but also with more relishing and reminiscing, and with more gratitude.
Let’s take a moment to reflect on the story of the tigers and the strawberry. This man was running from a tiger, he comes to a cliff, climbs down on a vine; the tiger that was chasing him, now is looking at him over the edge of the cliff. The man notices that below him are more tigers; he also notices that little mice are eating away at his vine. This could be the end of the story, as it seems his death is imminent, but this story doesn’t end with the man’s death. This story ends with the man relishing a big luscious juicy strawberry that he sees growing near him.
The story could have focused on the man’s fear; perhaps his being scared that he would not die instantly up on hitting the ground, but suffer as the tigers tore him to bits. Forrest Church could have focused on the pain and struggle he was facing, but he said of his cancer, “It’s all just stuff; it doesn’t matter” instead he focused on love and life, on living fully right up to the end—preaching, writing, loving those around him. Forrest Church didn’t focus on the tigers—he didn’t have to, because his tigers were a painful presence every waking moment-- he took the strawberry and relished it to the very end of his life.
Recognizing and accepting the tigers doesn’t mean you dwell on them or let them control you. Recognizing and accepting the tigers, can set you free. Awareness of your mortality gives you the opportunity to choose more deliberately how you will live your life. Holding the inevitability of our death in our hearts, I believe that we are more likely to live mindfully each experience we have, slowing down, to taste all the subtle flavors and textures of every strawberry in our lives and be grateful for them. I know that life is not made up entirely of strawberry experiences, but perhaps accepting the limited time we have to live, we might look more intently for or notice more frequently the strawberries that exist around us.
Thursday at lunchtime, I attended another meeting, AMOS—A Mid Iowa Organizing Strategy, which was lead by a member of the IAF—the Industrial Areas Foundation. This meeting was to help the Cedar Rapids/Iowa City Corridor begin to develop a community action organization to identify and work on social issues important to members of our community. Members of local labor unions, faith communities, as well as others came together over a sack lunch to learn how to put this organization together. Now I am very committed to working to affect positive change in our community, but there were also wonderful strawberries right there in that meeting. I got to know some new people and hear what was important to them in their lives. You see this grassroots organization advocates positive social change through people talking to one another and getting to know one another; two people talking to each other, then four or five people getting to know one another, then larger groups, sharing what the important issues are in their lives, before trying to work together to make any change happen. I could have focused only on the problems that people talked about—needing health care reform, needing a better wage, needing a stable economy, and I did pay attention—but I also relished getting to know wonderful new, different people. Realizing that I have a limited time to live this gift of life, I try to notice every strawberry I can, and express love to all those I meet.
As Forrest Church reminds us: “whether or not there is life after death, surely there is love after death,” so I have chosen to express love to everyone I come into contact with. I love them, even though at times I may not like them. I love you all, as I believe you all love me, though there may be times we may not like each other very much, that is pretty much guaranteed if we are in a long term relationship with one another. But we must love one another even when we don’t like one another, and we must express that love. I check in with people I know, here at this church, and in the community, to see how they are doing; I let them know they are cared about; I share openly with them, and listen attentively to them; I let them know that they are important and they are important to me. This is how I express my love. And I do with without looking for anything in return, it is unconditional love. I do this intentionally because I know I have a limited time, just as we all have a limited time, to share love with others.
How does the past fit into this picture of how we should live knowing we will die? I believe that reflecting on our past is essential to living fully. Reflecting on our past gives us the opportunity to learn more about ourselves and to grow from that new understanding. And reflecting on the past lets us keep fresh the wonderful awe inspiring and loving experiences we have had and be grateful—not to live in the past, but to gratefully carry the past with us in our hearts and minds. Again many people don’t do this until they are forced to by life’s circumstances. Once, many years ago when Martha and I were walking through the neighborhood, our very young boys running and laughing before us, a friend of our said, “There go Martha and Tom, making memories.” She didn’t mean it particularly nicely, but that was OK. We were making memories. And I re-experience the joy from these experiences and affirm my gratitude for these experiences and for my life. And in my prayers, I reflect on my most recent experiences, the blessings that life gives me everyday, and express my gratitude. This ritual does two things for me; it helps me to be mindful of all the little strawberries around me, and it helps me feel more joyful and grateful, rather than depressed and pessimistic.
As a psychotherapist, I noticed that people tend to more easily and frequently remember the bad times, the pain, the hurt in their lives—replaying them over and over again—to the exclusion of the joys and positive memories. If we don’t make time to remember the joys and loves in life, we will forget them, we may lose them, we will let the pain in our lives be more important and have more influence in our lives than the joys and loves we have known. We are more likely to feel depressed and pessimistic, focusing on the tigers in our lives to the exclusion of the many strawberries. The gift of life is but a short span of time, to me it seems such a waste to focus on the tigers, and miss the many strawberries.
As I have said from this pulpit before, when I was a member of Bay Area Unitarian Universalist Church, one of our ministers was asked to leave the church and leave the ministry because he had done something unethical. At that moment, I wondered if I lost everything, like he did, if my life were over, would I have left anything undone that I felt called to do in my heart. This is a question that many people don’t ask until they reach the end of their lives. Have I left anything undone? The movie, The Bucket List, with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson, is about this. In this movie, these two men meet in a hospital after getting diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. They begin traveling around the world having experiences that they want to have before “kicking the bucket.” I have met people who actually have developed a bucket list—generally they are older, but these are not only old people. I have met some young people, who are asking themselves, ‘what do I want/need to do before I die?’ For some these are things like bungee jumping, parachuting, visiting exotic places; and for some it is getting my college degree(s), becoming a minister, doctor, fill in the blank; for others it is working for marriage equality or woman’s reproductive rights, causes that are important to them; and for others it is simply loving people as much as they can. What have you left undone, knowing that you will die? Perhaps nothing, but I feel it is essential to ask yourself this question at least once in your life, and wait patiently for your heart to whisper its answer to you.
One final question posed by Forrest Church as he was facing his death, I will pose to you. Is the meaning and purpose of your life to live in such a way, that your life will prove worth dying for? What have you done in your life to make it worth dying for? Forrest Church has again and again reminded us that showing love for others is part of this answer, expressing unconditional love to humanity, or at least all the people you come into contact in your life. But what else in your life, what other purpose makes your life worth dying for? This question calls us to great purposes in our lives, to live beyond our own personal needs and wants. This question asks us to consider what have we done to make our community, even our world, more just, more equitable, and to make our community, even our world, a safer, healthier and ecologically stable place to live.
Unitarian and Transcendentalist, Henry David Thoreau wrote: “I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck the marrow of life…” My friends, I ask, I implore you, at least once in your life to ask yourself, ‘how shall I live knowing I will die’ then listen patiently for the answer. Once the answer is received, live deeply and suck the marrow of life. Do not practice resignation unless it is quite necessary; instead live deliberately with acceptance of your inevitable death in your heart. A little advise though, remember to reminisce, be joyful and grateful, give love freely, live each moment fully, find and live meaning and purpose, and eat all the strawberries you can. Blessed be.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Sex as a Spiritual Path
"A psychotherapist has a client who canceled his appointment three times before he shows up for his first visit. His is shy and obviously nervous—while the clinician is explaining about payment and cancellation policies, the usual stuff of a first meeting, Rick, a 34-year-old electrician, is rubbing his hands together and bouncing his knee up and down. Finally, the therapist asks him, “So, what do you want to talk about here today?”
“I want to find out if, you know, if I’m normal,” Rick says. “I’ve never been in counseling before, but something’s been bugging me and I wanted to check it out with you, you know, someone who can tell me if I’m normal or not.”
“Do you feel like telling me now what it is, or do you want to wait and get to know me a little better?” the therapist asks, aware, as he often is during first sessions, of what an act of courage it takes people to come to therapy.
“I’d rather get it over with,” says Rick. “It’s kind of personal. It’s about sex.” He takes a deep breath and focuses on a spot on the wall to the left of the therapist. “ I need to imagine flying chickens when I am doing it.”" (Speaking of Sex by Laura Markowitz in “The Family Networker”)
This interaction is recorded in “The Family Networker,” a journal for marriage and family therapists. And this is not an unusual interaction for therapists to be in. As a psychotherapist, I worked with many individuals and couples who reported to having a variety of sexual issues, some wondering if their sexual thoughts and feelings were normal or healthy. Most people I’ve known or worked with are generally very uncomfortable talking about sex, even with their significant other. However, some people today are exploring sexual behavior that a few decades ago might have been considered shameful or kinky, and so, people--in our rapidly changing, some might say evolving society--are also not sure if what they are doing sexually is “normal” anymore. And some people are wondering if they are addicted to sex, sometimes feeling that they may be so obsessed with sex that their sexual behavior is somehow destructive in their lives. So how can sex be a path to spiritual growth?
In ancient cultures with matriarch religions, sex was considered something ennobling and uplifting. Sex could take someone closer to the Gods rather than alienate him/her from god. An example of this comes from one of the oldest stories in existence, the Gilgamesh Epic. Some place the Epic by tradition around 5,000 years before the common era. The story tells of many heroic adventures of Gilgamesh who is part human and part god. One particular story tells that the gods placed a wild man, Enkidu, in the wilderness area and required Gilgamesh to capture and tame him. Gilgamesh is told of this wild man by a shepherd who has seen him. Rather than run out with spears, arrows and nets, Gilgamesh sends a priestess of the Goddess to the watering place of the wild man. She takes off her clothes, exposing her charms. The wild man, finding her much more appealing than his animal friends, has sex with her for 6 days and 7 nights and is won away from his wild life. This is a myth remember. He is calmly led or perhaps carried by the priestess back to the city, to civilization. This story dramatizes the ennobling, civilizing benefits of sex. Sex is portrayed as the most sacred act of being human and a force for good. (Gilgamesh story and Sacred Sex in "The Epic of Gilgamesh" and Beyond in Integral Options Café Blog)
Around the fifth century after the Common Era, a young man grew up as many young men did in those times, exposed to both Christian and pagan teachings about the world. As a young man, he led a fairly hedonistic lifestyle—binging on delicious food, participating in sexual liaisons with a number of women, boasting of his experiences with his less experienced friends, urging his friends to do as he did, eat the wonderfully decadent foods until they could barely move and urging his friends to have many and varied sexual experiences. He took a concubine, who he stayed with for 13 years and by whom he had a son. However this man had a conversion experience, and came to believe that all this behavior that he had been enjoying all these years was wrong, sinful. He became a priest and a bishop in the Catholic Church, and wrote about how wrong and sinful all this sensuous behavior is. He was Augustine of Hippo, or later called St. Augustine by the Catholic Church. Augustine's concept of original sin taught that only through disdain for fleshly desire could one reach the ultimate state of mankind. He taught and wrote that the original sin of Adam and Eve was gaining carnal knowledge when they ate the fruit in the Garden of Eden. He believed sex or accepting the pleasures of the body was evil/sinful. And as sinners, humans lack the freedom to do good, and cannot respond to the will of God without divine grace. (Confessions by Augustine and Wikipedia)
Augustine’s writings, as well as the writings of some other Christian theologians who viewed sex as sinful/evil/wrong, have colored Western thought ever since. Thus most, if not all, of us have embedded in our unconscious that sex is evil or bad or a destructive force. Sex is in no way spiritual; it is part of our innate depravity, even the body and our senses are considered evil/bad, separating us from our spiritual nature. And if we give into sex or our bodies or the pleasures our bodies’ senses give us, we will be unable to grow spiritually and be utterly divorced from God; at least separated from God unless we receive divine grace.
While western philosophy and religion inundate us with the message that sex is not/cannot be spiritual, there are spiritual practices in Eastern religions that involve sex as a path to the holy or the divine. The Kama Sutra and Tantric yoga, while not exclusively about sex, view sexuality as vital paths to enlightenment or connection to the holy. Many people who experience deep ecstatic sexual states liken these to transcendental spiritual experiences. They discover that the distinction between what is carnal and what is spiritual may not be as clear as they were taught. They may even feel that they have come to know God, or ultimate reality, through sex. This feeling of connection with the ultimate through sex can be achieved through tantric yoga. Tantra, which means "woven together,” is a term loosely applied to a system of Hindu yoga in which the union of male and female principles is worshipped. In practice, this has led to a form of sexual ritual in which slow, non-orgasmic intercourse is seen as a path to an experience of the divine. Many ages-old techniques for perceiving the realm of spirit make use of repetition of hymns, prayers, chants, dances while engaging in single-minded attentiveness to cosmic forces or the holy. Tantra provides both repetition and attentiveness. It is not the only way to achieve spiritual bliss, as its religious practitioners assert, but it is one way.
What is sexually stimulating or sensuous is different for every individual. We are the only creature that we know of who has to learn what is sexually stimulating or arousing; sexual behavior is not instinctive for humans, as it is for other creatures. We all learn what is sexual from our own unique experiences in life. And we learn about sex from our overly sexualized society. We see TV commercials for His and Her K-Y jelly for an intense sexual experience, for Viagra so men can always be ready for sex, and for Victoria’s Secret underwear, so the games can begin, as the ad says. This constant sexual media blitz can set up unrealistic expectations about sex, lead to misunderstandings, and even lead to sexual behavior that is destructive to the relationship. The path to a fulfilling, emotionally satisfying, and spiritually enriching sexual life, every person and every couple has to learn about what is sexual stimulating and arousing for him/her and for them.
So in working with couples in sex therapy, there is one technique that I teach them that I believe aids my clients on an emotional and spiritual journey of enlightenment, understanding, compassion, communion, and love. This technique is called Sensate Focus, and entails taking the couple back to a time in their relationship before they were sexual. First I teach them basic communication skills—such as active listening, putting aside one’s own thoughts and feelings, to focus completely on the message being delivered by one’s partner. Then I ask them to stop having sex in any form, and they both have to agree to this. I then ask them to begin learning about each others' bodies. They do this while lying naked on a bed or couch or the floor. One of them is the giver and the other the receiver of physical stimulation; while stimulating their partner they have to stay away from the breasts and genitals. They stimulate each other, in turn, with their hands, mouths, with feathers, lotions, powders, whatever they want. The giver asks, “how does that feel?”, and the receiver clearly describes the experience he/she is having while they are being stimulated. In this process, the receiver might say things like, “I don’t like that” or “please stop that hurts” or “that makes me hot for you when you do that” or “I am feeling so much pleasure that I can’t even describe it with words” or “I am remembering the fist time we tried to have intercourse.” The receiver might also say, “move to the left” “don’t use your fingernails” “I prefer powder to lotion.” In this process, actually giving what your partner wants and likes, and is truly pleasured by, happens. In this process, through this interaction, you learn about yourself, your body, and about your partner and their body. In this process, you have to let go of control. You let yourself fully give the way your partner wants to be given to and you let yourself fully indulge in/embrace/submit fully to the pleasure you are receiving without worrying about whether your partner is getting anything from this experience or not. You might learn that certain physical stimulation brings back memories, intense emotions, even spiritual/mystical experiences for you or your partner. Eventually, the couple incorporates the genitals and breasts, and eventually sexual intercourse into this process, but only when both are ready to do so.
If you embrace sex as part of your spiritual journey, you will experience personal growth and a deeper more fulfilling relationship with your partner. Practicing a process that brings spiritual growth through sex into your relationship can bring a sense of greater communion with your partner, your sexual nature, and, ultimately, with your soul. Your soul expands because your spirit opens up when you engage in more trusting sexual practices that involve communication, the spirit of playfulness, and being open to discovery.
In addition, most of us must teach ourselves the basics of love and sexuality through some form of trial and error process. We develop misinformation, often making assumptions about ourselves and our partner, assumptions that are often just plain wrong. Over time, and especially in long-term relationships, we tend to stop exploring and being inventive. When we can break out of those old patterns and learn new ways of being -- physically, spiritually, and emotionally -- we expand and open. In a sense, we transcend who we thought we were.
Anyone can do this. I met a 92 year old man and a 89 year old woman who had made a commitment to each other when they were first married—in their early 20s. Whenever they bet on anything, whoever lost had to seduce the other person. They were committed to seducing each other in new and different ways each time they lost a bet. They continued being sexually active and inventive, discovering new things about each other throughout their marriage. And they were able to be sexually active, having intercourse, until the man was 90; he had to stop due to a serious heart condition. But they continued to be sexually playful with each other even after that.
Every experience in life has the potential to be spiritual. In other words, when we allow ourselves to be deeply moved by an experience—feeling it in our bodies, letting go of the ego’s need to control things—then we are having what mystics have called a spiritual experience. I have met many people, young and old, who have trouble letting go during sex; some of us just need to be in control—some of us are afraid of being out of control. But letting go completely and embracing the pleasure without letting anything of the world distract you, can open you up to a powerful and even transformative experience.
In addition, to trust another with our personal growth is the ultimate act of surrender. Surrender is where breakthroughs happen. If two people can do that for each other, taking conscious risks that gently stretch the limits of their comfort zones, they can realize great growth—both individually and as partners. Trusting yourself and your partner, risking being completely honest, can result in you becoming much more genuine and congruent in your life and with your partner.
We do this by risking the vulnerability of "doing it wrong," not looking good, being stuck emotionally, facing our own shadows, and other life challenges. When we take this risk, we move closer to our own souls and to the power that resides in self-realization. When we do this we move closer to our partner and aid them in becoming empowered in self-realization. If we discover, for example, a fear in intimacy—emotional connection—and move towards it with courage and trust, not denying it or trying to hide from it, the benefits are great.
We will feel ourselves becoming less fearful as we meet and face our fears and limiting beliefs. How we face our sexual fears is a great metaphor for how we deal with fear in general. I remember once when I was asked to jump from the top of a telephone pole to a trapeze swing. I was strapped into a safety rope so I would not be hurt. The facilitator of this exercise said that I should think of my worst fear, then jump. I suggest to you that you think of your worst sexual fear and then jump into a sexual process of learning and growing with your partner. While you will not have a safety rope, the feedback is immediate. If our body feels pleasure, it feels pleasure. If it feels numb, it feels numb; if it hurts, it feels pain, and we know it. In sex, we cannot hide from the truth; we can learn and grow from that truth.
Finally, sex and spiritual experiences are often described as feeling timeless. Nik Douglas and Penny Slinger in Sexual Secrets wrote:
"There is an Eastern saying that "in the unsteady mind enters time", faith is a timeless and steadying experience that can transform an ordinary physical love relationship into the sensual union with the holy, the highest attributes of our spirits. The truly erotic experience is always timeless; the couple evoke faith in each other and awaken the spiritual essence within."
I invite you, no, I encourage you to “awaken the spiritual essence within” you. I encourage you to leave today ready, willing, and excited about sex being more than mundane ritualistic and routine. I want you to open yourselves to the understanding that sex is more than just trying to achieve orgasm. Sex is about learning, growing, communing, trusting, and deep heartfelt loving of yourself and your partner. Take the spiritual path of sex. Go my friends without knowing where; bring, not knowing what; the path is long, the way unknown, but what you will find on your way will be beautiful, wonderful, transformative. Your path is made by walking it, walking it with your partner. Open yourself, fully experiencing all that life offers you.
“I want to find out if, you know, if I’m normal,” Rick says. “I’ve never been in counseling before, but something’s been bugging me and I wanted to check it out with you, you know, someone who can tell me if I’m normal or not.”
“Do you feel like telling me now what it is, or do you want to wait and get to know me a little better?” the therapist asks, aware, as he often is during first sessions, of what an act of courage it takes people to come to therapy.
“I’d rather get it over with,” says Rick. “It’s kind of personal. It’s about sex.” He takes a deep breath and focuses on a spot on the wall to the left of the therapist. “ I need to imagine flying chickens when I am doing it.”" (Speaking of Sex by Laura Markowitz in “The Family Networker”)
This interaction is recorded in “The Family Networker,” a journal for marriage and family therapists. And this is not an unusual interaction for therapists to be in. As a psychotherapist, I worked with many individuals and couples who reported to having a variety of sexual issues, some wondering if their sexual thoughts and feelings were normal or healthy. Most people I’ve known or worked with are generally very uncomfortable talking about sex, even with their significant other. However, some people today are exploring sexual behavior that a few decades ago might have been considered shameful or kinky, and so, people--in our rapidly changing, some might say evolving society--are also not sure if what they are doing sexually is “normal” anymore. And some people are wondering if they are addicted to sex, sometimes feeling that they may be so obsessed with sex that their sexual behavior is somehow destructive in their lives. So how can sex be a path to spiritual growth?
In ancient cultures with matriarch religions, sex was considered something ennobling and uplifting. Sex could take someone closer to the Gods rather than alienate him/her from god. An example of this comes from one of the oldest stories in existence, the Gilgamesh Epic. Some place the Epic by tradition around 5,000 years before the common era. The story tells of many heroic adventures of Gilgamesh who is part human and part god. One particular story tells that the gods placed a wild man, Enkidu, in the wilderness area and required Gilgamesh to capture and tame him. Gilgamesh is told of this wild man by a shepherd who has seen him. Rather than run out with spears, arrows and nets, Gilgamesh sends a priestess of the Goddess to the watering place of the wild man. She takes off her clothes, exposing her charms. The wild man, finding her much more appealing than his animal friends, has sex with her for 6 days and 7 nights and is won away from his wild life. This is a myth remember. He is calmly led or perhaps carried by the priestess back to the city, to civilization. This story dramatizes the ennobling, civilizing benefits of sex. Sex is portrayed as the most sacred act of being human and a force for good. (Gilgamesh story and Sacred Sex in "The Epic of Gilgamesh" and Beyond in Integral Options Café Blog)
Around the fifth century after the Common Era, a young man grew up as many young men did in those times, exposed to both Christian and pagan teachings about the world. As a young man, he led a fairly hedonistic lifestyle—binging on delicious food, participating in sexual liaisons with a number of women, boasting of his experiences with his less experienced friends, urging his friends to do as he did, eat the wonderfully decadent foods until they could barely move and urging his friends to have many and varied sexual experiences. He took a concubine, who he stayed with for 13 years and by whom he had a son. However this man had a conversion experience, and came to believe that all this behavior that he had been enjoying all these years was wrong, sinful. He became a priest and a bishop in the Catholic Church, and wrote about how wrong and sinful all this sensuous behavior is. He was Augustine of Hippo, or later called St. Augustine by the Catholic Church. Augustine's concept of original sin taught that only through disdain for fleshly desire could one reach the ultimate state of mankind. He taught and wrote that the original sin of Adam and Eve was gaining carnal knowledge when they ate the fruit in the Garden of Eden. He believed sex or accepting the pleasures of the body was evil/sinful. And as sinners, humans lack the freedom to do good, and cannot respond to the will of God without divine grace. (Confessions by Augustine and Wikipedia)
Augustine’s writings, as well as the writings of some other Christian theologians who viewed sex as sinful/evil/wrong, have colored Western thought ever since. Thus most, if not all, of us have embedded in our unconscious that sex is evil or bad or a destructive force. Sex is in no way spiritual; it is part of our innate depravity, even the body and our senses are considered evil/bad, separating us from our spiritual nature. And if we give into sex or our bodies or the pleasures our bodies’ senses give us, we will be unable to grow spiritually and be utterly divorced from God; at least separated from God unless we receive divine grace.
While western philosophy and religion inundate us with the message that sex is not/cannot be spiritual, there are spiritual practices in Eastern religions that involve sex as a path to the holy or the divine. The Kama Sutra and Tantric yoga, while not exclusively about sex, view sexuality as vital paths to enlightenment or connection to the holy. Many people who experience deep ecstatic sexual states liken these to transcendental spiritual experiences. They discover that the distinction between what is carnal and what is spiritual may not be as clear as they were taught. They may even feel that they have come to know God, or ultimate reality, through sex. This feeling of connection with the ultimate through sex can be achieved through tantric yoga. Tantra, which means "woven together,” is a term loosely applied to a system of Hindu yoga in which the union of male and female principles is worshipped. In practice, this has led to a form of sexual ritual in which slow, non-orgasmic intercourse is seen as a path to an experience of the divine. Many ages-old techniques for perceiving the realm of spirit make use of repetition of hymns, prayers, chants, dances while engaging in single-minded attentiveness to cosmic forces or the holy. Tantra provides both repetition and attentiveness. It is not the only way to achieve spiritual bliss, as its religious practitioners assert, but it is one way.
What is sexually stimulating or sensuous is different for every individual. We are the only creature that we know of who has to learn what is sexually stimulating or arousing; sexual behavior is not instinctive for humans, as it is for other creatures. We all learn what is sexual from our own unique experiences in life. And we learn about sex from our overly sexualized society. We see TV commercials for His and Her K-Y jelly for an intense sexual experience, for Viagra so men can always be ready for sex, and for Victoria’s Secret underwear, so the games can begin, as the ad says. This constant sexual media blitz can set up unrealistic expectations about sex, lead to misunderstandings, and even lead to sexual behavior that is destructive to the relationship. The path to a fulfilling, emotionally satisfying, and spiritually enriching sexual life, every person and every couple has to learn about what is sexual stimulating and arousing for him/her and for them.
So in working with couples in sex therapy, there is one technique that I teach them that I believe aids my clients on an emotional and spiritual journey of enlightenment, understanding, compassion, communion, and love. This technique is called Sensate Focus, and entails taking the couple back to a time in their relationship before they were sexual. First I teach them basic communication skills—such as active listening, putting aside one’s own thoughts and feelings, to focus completely on the message being delivered by one’s partner. Then I ask them to stop having sex in any form, and they both have to agree to this. I then ask them to begin learning about each others' bodies. They do this while lying naked on a bed or couch or the floor. One of them is the giver and the other the receiver of physical stimulation; while stimulating their partner they have to stay away from the breasts and genitals. They stimulate each other, in turn, with their hands, mouths, with feathers, lotions, powders, whatever they want. The giver asks, “how does that feel?”, and the receiver clearly describes the experience he/she is having while they are being stimulated. In this process, the receiver might say things like, “I don’t like that” or “please stop that hurts” or “that makes me hot for you when you do that” or “I am feeling so much pleasure that I can’t even describe it with words” or “I am remembering the fist time we tried to have intercourse.” The receiver might also say, “move to the left” “don’t use your fingernails” “I prefer powder to lotion.” In this process, actually giving what your partner wants and likes, and is truly pleasured by, happens. In this process, through this interaction, you learn about yourself, your body, and about your partner and their body. In this process, you have to let go of control. You let yourself fully give the way your partner wants to be given to and you let yourself fully indulge in/embrace/submit fully to the pleasure you are receiving without worrying about whether your partner is getting anything from this experience or not. You might learn that certain physical stimulation brings back memories, intense emotions, even spiritual/mystical experiences for you or your partner. Eventually, the couple incorporates the genitals and breasts, and eventually sexual intercourse into this process, but only when both are ready to do so.
If you embrace sex as part of your spiritual journey, you will experience personal growth and a deeper more fulfilling relationship with your partner. Practicing a process that brings spiritual growth through sex into your relationship can bring a sense of greater communion with your partner, your sexual nature, and, ultimately, with your soul. Your soul expands because your spirit opens up when you engage in more trusting sexual practices that involve communication, the spirit of playfulness, and being open to discovery.
In addition, most of us must teach ourselves the basics of love and sexuality through some form of trial and error process. We develop misinformation, often making assumptions about ourselves and our partner, assumptions that are often just plain wrong. Over time, and especially in long-term relationships, we tend to stop exploring and being inventive. When we can break out of those old patterns and learn new ways of being -- physically, spiritually, and emotionally -- we expand and open. In a sense, we transcend who we thought we were.
Anyone can do this. I met a 92 year old man and a 89 year old woman who had made a commitment to each other when they were first married—in their early 20s. Whenever they bet on anything, whoever lost had to seduce the other person. They were committed to seducing each other in new and different ways each time they lost a bet. They continued being sexually active and inventive, discovering new things about each other throughout their marriage. And they were able to be sexually active, having intercourse, until the man was 90; he had to stop due to a serious heart condition. But they continued to be sexually playful with each other even after that.
Every experience in life has the potential to be spiritual. In other words, when we allow ourselves to be deeply moved by an experience—feeling it in our bodies, letting go of the ego’s need to control things—then we are having what mystics have called a spiritual experience. I have met many people, young and old, who have trouble letting go during sex; some of us just need to be in control—some of us are afraid of being out of control. But letting go completely and embracing the pleasure without letting anything of the world distract you, can open you up to a powerful and even transformative experience.
In addition, to trust another with our personal growth is the ultimate act of surrender. Surrender is where breakthroughs happen. If two people can do that for each other, taking conscious risks that gently stretch the limits of their comfort zones, they can realize great growth—both individually and as partners. Trusting yourself and your partner, risking being completely honest, can result in you becoming much more genuine and congruent in your life and with your partner.
We do this by risking the vulnerability of "doing it wrong," not looking good, being stuck emotionally, facing our own shadows, and other life challenges. When we take this risk, we move closer to our own souls and to the power that resides in self-realization. When we do this we move closer to our partner and aid them in becoming empowered in self-realization. If we discover, for example, a fear in intimacy—emotional connection—and move towards it with courage and trust, not denying it or trying to hide from it, the benefits are great.
We will feel ourselves becoming less fearful as we meet and face our fears and limiting beliefs. How we face our sexual fears is a great metaphor for how we deal with fear in general. I remember once when I was asked to jump from the top of a telephone pole to a trapeze swing. I was strapped into a safety rope so I would not be hurt. The facilitator of this exercise said that I should think of my worst fear, then jump. I suggest to you that you think of your worst sexual fear and then jump into a sexual process of learning and growing with your partner. While you will not have a safety rope, the feedback is immediate. If our body feels pleasure, it feels pleasure. If it feels numb, it feels numb; if it hurts, it feels pain, and we know it. In sex, we cannot hide from the truth; we can learn and grow from that truth.
Finally, sex and spiritual experiences are often described as feeling timeless. Nik Douglas and Penny Slinger in Sexual Secrets wrote:
"There is an Eastern saying that "in the unsteady mind enters time", faith is a timeless and steadying experience that can transform an ordinary physical love relationship into the sensual union with the holy, the highest attributes of our spirits. The truly erotic experience is always timeless; the couple evoke faith in each other and awaken the spiritual essence within."
I invite you, no, I encourage you to “awaken the spiritual essence within” you. I encourage you to leave today ready, willing, and excited about sex being more than mundane ritualistic and routine. I want you to open yourselves to the understanding that sex is more than just trying to achieve orgasm. Sex is about learning, growing, communing, trusting, and deep heartfelt loving of yourself and your partner. Take the spiritual path of sex. Go my friends without knowing where; bring, not knowing what; the path is long, the way unknown, but what you will find on your way will be beautiful, wonderful, transformative. Your path is made by walking it, walking it with your partner. Open yourself, fully experiencing all that life offers you.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
A Spiritual Practice
I think it is important to hold onto one spiritual practice or discipline for at least 3 months before deciding whether this practice is useful to your life journey or not. In the three months, your brain pathways begin to change, and old habits that are inconsistent with this new practice begin to fade. In the three months, you might notice a change in relaxation, insight, self-awareness, mind-racing, or attitude. However, approach any practice that you start without expectations, for expectations will interfere with your practice. You will keep looking for something to happen, and miss what you might actually receive. Just do the practice.
I have practiced meditation for years, and while I have noticed many benefits from it, I still have thoughts that interfere with my practice. No practice is ever completely perfect. But with any practice, you can learn more about yourself and your relationship to the world.
For some people, it is helpful to do a practice in the same place, at the same time, and with little distraction. Below, I have given you a practice that I found in the book God Has No Religion: blending traditions for prayer by Frances Sheridan Goulart. This book is rich with spiritual practices and variations on those practices.
Hold On
I will hold on to what is good
And I will hold on to what I believe
Even when it is a tree which stands by itself.
And I will hold on to what I must do,
Even if it is a long way from here.
I will hold onto life, even when it is easier to let go.
Please hold on to my hand, even when I have gone away from you.
Origin:
Adapted from a prayer by an unknown Pueblo Indian supplicant.
Options:
Say "Hold On" as a morning prayer for courage for the day.
Keep a copy of this prayer taped to your computer or in your car for strength in "difficult" moments.
You may add a salutation of your choice and an Amen or alternative close to the prayer.
Read this prayer aloud facing yourself in a mirror to deepen the meaning of the words you are reading.
I have practiced meditation for years, and while I have noticed many benefits from it, I still have thoughts that interfere with my practice. No practice is ever completely perfect. But with any practice, you can learn more about yourself and your relationship to the world.
For some people, it is helpful to do a practice in the same place, at the same time, and with little distraction. Below, I have given you a practice that I found in the book God Has No Religion: blending traditions for prayer by Frances Sheridan Goulart. This book is rich with spiritual practices and variations on those practices.
Hold On
I will hold on to what is good
And I will hold on to what I believe
Even when it is a tree which stands by itself.
And I will hold on to what I must do,
Even if it is a long way from here.
I will hold onto life, even when it is easier to let go.
Please hold on to my hand, even when I have gone away from you.
Origin:
Adapted from a prayer by an unknown Pueblo Indian supplicant.
Options:
Say "Hold On" as a morning prayer for courage for the day.
Keep a copy of this prayer taped to your computer or in your car for strength in "difficult" moments.
You may add a salutation of your choice and an Amen or alternative close to the prayer.
Read this prayer aloud facing yourself in a mirror to deepen the meaning of the words you are reading.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Carbon Footprints and Faith
According to the United Kingdom’s Carbon Trust, a company created by the British government “to accelerate the move to a low carbon economy by working with organizations to reduce carbon emissions and develop commercial low carbon technologies”, a carbon footprint is "the total set of GHG (greenhouse gas) emissions caused directly and indirectly by an individual, organization, event or product" (2008). Gases that trap heat in the atmosphere are often called greenhouse gases. According to the Environmental Protection Agency: “Some greenhouse gases such as carbon dioxide occur naturally and are emitted to the atmosphere through natural processes and human activities. Other greenhouse gases are created and emitted solely through human activities.” We, you and I and all humans, directly produce greenhouse gases through such activities as driving cars and burning wood in our fireplaces, and we indirectly produce greenhouse gases through such activities as buying products for our comfort or for our diet that have to be transported from all over the world and through buying highly processed products that require industry to produce carbon dioxide, nitrous oxide, or fluorinated gases.
These definitions and examples are not as simple as they might seem on the surface. We live in a global economic community. When we buy something local or even in the United States, parts of the product could have been made in some other country. And if we buy something from another country, some parts of it may have been made locally or in the United States. Some of the products that produce greenhouse gases are medicines which control dangerous diseases or manage significant health problems. When we buy only locally, this could negatively affect the world economy, a complex interdependent web of which we are a part. And none of us are probably going to ride our bike or walk to work in the snow or in temperatures much below freezing or realistically, temperatures much below 50. And some of us may be unwilling to use products that while they are ecologically friendly, are not very effective. In Washington State, the legislature outlawed the use of phosphates in dish washing detergents. Now people in Washington are going to other states to get the banned dishwashing detergents, because the non-phosphate dishwashing detergents don’t work as efficiently. Thus, when phosphates are outlawed, only outlaws will use phosphates; and it seems many people in Washington State are now outlaws.
I hope we consider our beliefs and choices about planet. I hope we take time to explore our conscious and unconscious motivations that determine our choices about how we use our planetary resources and how we care for mother earth. I know this is a complex issue, but I believe if we are more aware of ourselves, we will make more intentional and educated decisions about how we use the precious resources of planet earth, and thus reduce our carbon footprint. You can go on the internet and evaluate your carbon footprint, and I would encourage you to do so, this will educate you; and it might also depress you.
The thing I want you to do here today that might reduce your carbon footprint, is look inside yourself. What do you believe about the resources on planet earth? What is your definition of comfort, basic comfort? How do you make the choices about what you eat? What do you believe about your needs/rights to have water, electricity, heat? What do you believe about respecting and honoring mother earth, her resources, her minerals, plants, and animals? Do you believe all these issues—comfort, choices about food and other resources, and respecting the planet—are by necessity in direct conflict with each other? Why? What can we do to change that? Should we change that? How can we change that? Or perhaps, the more pressing question might be when will we change, and accept that our choices about comfort and resources need to be made while also respecting the planet? Will we have to be forced to change by laws or circumstances—like climate change—or will we change because we choose to, because our values call us to make these intentional changes?
In the Jewish Bible book of Genesis, God said to the first humans: “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves upon the earth…Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed which is upon the face of the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit; you shall have them for food.” This creation myth has been told and retold for thousands of years. It is part of our collective consciousness at some level. Many people act as if we have the right of dominion over the earth and all things on and of it. Many of us act as if everything on this earth has been provided for our consumption, pleasure, and comfort. After all, we’ve been told in the Bible that we have the divine right to use, and perhaps even use up, earth’s resources.
The Cherokee creation myth, the Story of Corn and Medicine, provides a very different message about humans and creatures and plants. “The earth began as nothing but water and darkness…Eventually… animals …wanted to move down to Earth [from heaven]…Humans came after the animals…In these early days, the plants, the animals, and the people all lived together as friends. As the people multiplied, however, the animals had less room to roam, and they were either slaughtered for food or trampled under the humans' feet… Finally the animals held a council to discuss what to do.” I looked through many creation myths while preparing this sermon—creation myths from ancient Japan, from the Aborigines in Australia, from ancient Mesopotamia and Scandinavia and from many Native American Nations. Many Native American creation myths told how humans arrived, multiplied and pushed the animals and plants into smaller and smaller regions of the earth. These Native American stories called humans to show respect to creatures, plants, and planet when we use them—not using them thoughtlessly without consideration for the effects of what we do, but using creatures and plants with humble gratitude for what we have received that allows us to be fed, comforted, clothed, and sheltered. In the Mayan creation myth, it explicitly states that the earth is to be held in great respect, and that the Mayan people are called to share their abundant resources with all plants and animals. Many Native American creation myths called humans to learn from the animals and treat them with reverence—sometimes Gods were in the guise of animals—like Coyote-- and in some stories animals are wise—like the Buffalo who taught the native American how to live free and in harmony with nature. I did find a few creation myths in Africa that stated that humans were of a higher order than animals: “the Earthcreator gave man a soul, a mind, the ability to talk and made man as a resemblance of himself. Therefore he was expecting man to behave like the creator” wisely caring for the Earthcreator’s many creations. I did not find a creation myth, other than in Genesis, that gave humans the right to subdue animals and plants, and have dominion over the earth. I believe that creation myths, like the Native American, the Mayan, the African, are not part of our Western collective consciousness. Yet these myths speak to us of another way of treating our planet and all things on it: to treat them with respect, reverence, and humble gratitude, to be wise and caring, to share our limited planetary resources with all plants and animals.
I believe that many of us probably believe that we should do something about these issues. I would guess most of us recycle—some of us do it because the city would charge us to put out more garbage cans. I would guess some of us participate in community sponsored agriculture, or actively participate in community gardens. I know some of us utilize public transportation or have chosen to bike or walk, weather permitting, rather than driving. And I know—believe me, I know—that sometimes just the very idea that we have to do more, that we should do more—is just too exhausting or time consuming to even think about. I had a friend once say, “What’s the use of my choosing to bike everywhere, when I know on the other side of the world someone is driving around in a gas-guzzling, oil-smoking, carbon-belching cheap little car and undoing everything I do?” Good question. As ethical people, as moral people, as thoughtful people, as people of faith, how do we respond? Are we simply deluding ourselves, can we really made a global difference by acting locally? Or perhaps the better question is: is the global difference we are making within ourselves, by living our values? And when we live our values, do we serve as an example of ethical co-habitating with this planet? We know our children watch how we act more than what we say. I know, because of my therapy background, that people attend more to the behavior of others than to their words. So if we make that extra effort, if we consciously, intentionally act as ethical co-habitators with earth, perhaps others will notice and consider being better co-habitators with earth; perhaps our children will notice, perhaps our children will pass on these values.
Can we make a significant difference in greenhouse gases today through our action? Maybe not. But if we never try, we know we will never make a difference. We, you and I, all of us, will never be that light that shines on a new path, on a new way of being, if we don’t try, if we don’t try at least some of the time. If we don’t try at least some of the time, we are saying through our behavior that there is no hope for change, now or in the future. And I cannot, and I hope you will not, go there.
One of the keynote speakers at the Prairie Star District Annual Conference, our local Unitarian Universalist District of churches, was Linda Barnes, a member of the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Ames, Iowa, and an advocate of environmentally sustainable agriculture. She is not only an advocate of this type of agriculture; she has chosen to live her values. She and her family recently moved into a restored farmstead in rural Iowa and now operate a small diversified farm reminiscent of the self-sufficient farms of years gone by. She has incorporated wind power for electricity on her farm. And she and her husband are one of the first partners in Wholesome Harvest Organic Meats, an organic meat co-op that distributes products nationwide. She said at the conference: “We bought the farm to nurture ourselves and our family, to give to it of ourselves physically and spiritually. It strikes me as odd that we call the land our own, what I really want is for the land to call me its own. I want to belong. I want to feel the timelessness of the soil in my soul and the sunshine on my skin. I want to watch storms approach with calm mindful appreciation. I want to hear the prairie winds in my ears, and feel its freedom in my spirit. I want to belong. This is the heart of the seventh principle for me, the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.”
We may not be able to choose to make the radically life altering decisions that Linda and her family have made to live their values through sustainable agriculture on a farm far from an Urban center, but we can listen to how she has been transformed and take her words to heart. Linda says so eloquently what I have tried to express, that our beliefs, our faith must incorporate mother earth into them. We must want to belong to mother earth, not the other way around. We must reach out to our blue boat home with calm mindful appreciation. We must feel the connection to our planet in our soul. When we hold these beliefs, it is much more likely that we will act in ways to respect, honor, save our mother earth. When we hold this faith in our souls, we are more likely to prophetically call all people to act more responsibly toward the rich resources that we have been privileged to use. When we feel the soil in our soul, when we experience the freedom of the wind in our spirit, we will be transformed.
We will not be transformed if we stay in our homes watching TV or on the computer because we are living detached from the sky, the wind, the animals, and rocks. We will not be transformed if we go to the grocery store and buy whatever our taste buds desire, regardless of where it came from or how corporate farming destroyed the soil to produce it, or how humans have cut down vast forests, thus changing our climate, to create farmland for the veggies and fruits we like. We will not be transformed simply by educating ourselves on climate change or pollution or water resources. We will be transformed if we touch our blue boat home, if we consciously make sustainable decisions, if we hold in our hearts and speak with our voices respect for and honor of our planet and its resources, if we work together to be as green as we can in all that we do, and mostly we will be transformed if we demonstrate our love for our blue boat home with all its people, creatures, plants, and rocks.
I call you to the depth of your being to love your planet, your blue boat home, and belong to the earth.
These definitions and examples are not as simple as they might seem on the surface. We live in a global economic community. When we buy something local or even in the United States, parts of the product could have been made in some other country. And if we buy something from another country, some parts of it may have been made locally or in the United States. Some of the products that produce greenhouse gases are medicines which control dangerous diseases or manage significant health problems. When we buy only locally, this could negatively affect the world economy, a complex interdependent web of which we are a part. And none of us are probably going to ride our bike or walk to work in the snow or in temperatures much below freezing or realistically, temperatures much below 50. And some of us may be unwilling to use products that while they are ecologically friendly, are not very effective. In Washington State, the legislature outlawed the use of phosphates in dish washing detergents. Now people in Washington are going to other states to get the banned dishwashing detergents, because the non-phosphate dishwashing detergents don’t work as efficiently. Thus, when phosphates are outlawed, only outlaws will use phosphates; and it seems many people in Washington State are now outlaws.
I hope we consider our beliefs and choices about planet. I hope we take time to explore our conscious and unconscious motivations that determine our choices about how we use our planetary resources and how we care for mother earth. I know this is a complex issue, but I believe if we are more aware of ourselves, we will make more intentional and educated decisions about how we use the precious resources of planet earth, and thus reduce our carbon footprint. You can go on the internet and evaluate your carbon footprint, and I would encourage you to do so, this will educate you; and it might also depress you.
The thing I want you to do here today that might reduce your carbon footprint, is look inside yourself. What do you believe about the resources on planet earth? What is your definition of comfort, basic comfort? How do you make the choices about what you eat? What do you believe about your needs/rights to have water, electricity, heat? What do you believe about respecting and honoring mother earth, her resources, her minerals, plants, and animals? Do you believe all these issues—comfort, choices about food and other resources, and respecting the planet—are by necessity in direct conflict with each other? Why? What can we do to change that? Should we change that? How can we change that? Or perhaps, the more pressing question might be when will we change, and accept that our choices about comfort and resources need to be made while also respecting the planet? Will we have to be forced to change by laws or circumstances—like climate change—or will we change because we choose to, because our values call us to make these intentional changes?
In the Jewish Bible book of Genesis, God said to the first humans: “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves upon the earth…Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed which is upon the face of the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit; you shall have them for food.” This creation myth has been told and retold for thousands of years. It is part of our collective consciousness at some level. Many people act as if we have the right of dominion over the earth and all things on and of it. Many of us act as if everything on this earth has been provided for our consumption, pleasure, and comfort. After all, we’ve been told in the Bible that we have the divine right to use, and perhaps even use up, earth’s resources.
The Cherokee creation myth, the Story of Corn and Medicine, provides a very different message about humans and creatures and plants. “The earth began as nothing but water and darkness…Eventually… animals …wanted to move down to Earth [from heaven]…Humans came after the animals…In these early days, the plants, the animals, and the people all lived together as friends. As the people multiplied, however, the animals had less room to roam, and they were either slaughtered for food or trampled under the humans' feet… Finally the animals held a council to discuss what to do.” I looked through many creation myths while preparing this sermon—creation myths from ancient Japan, from the Aborigines in Australia, from ancient Mesopotamia and Scandinavia and from many Native American Nations. Many Native American creation myths told how humans arrived, multiplied and pushed the animals and plants into smaller and smaller regions of the earth. These Native American stories called humans to show respect to creatures, plants, and planet when we use them—not using them thoughtlessly without consideration for the effects of what we do, but using creatures and plants with humble gratitude for what we have received that allows us to be fed, comforted, clothed, and sheltered. In the Mayan creation myth, it explicitly states that the earth is to be held in great respect, and that the Mayan people are called to share their abundant resources with all plants and animals. Many Native American creation myths called humans to learn from the animals and treat them with reverence—sometimes Gods were in the guise of animals—like Coyote-- and in some stories animals are wise—like the Buffalo who taught the native American how to live free and in harmony with nature. I did find a few creation myths in Africa that stated that humans were of a higher order than animals: “the Earthcreator gave man a soul, a mind, the ability to talk and made man as a resemblance of himself. Therefore he was expecting man to behave like the creator” wisely caring for the Earthcreator’s many creations. I did not find a creation myth, other than in Genesis, that gave humans the right to subdue animals and plants, and have dominion over the earth. I believe that creation myths, like the Native American, the Mayan, the African, are not part of our Western collective consciousness. Yet these myths speak to us of another way of treating our planet and all things on it: to treat them with respect, reverence, and humble gratitude, to be wise and caring, to share our limited planetary resources with all plants and animals.
I believe that many of us probably believe that we should do something about these issues. I would guess most of us recycle—some of us do it because the city would charge us to put out more garbage cans. I would guess some of us participate in community sponsored agriculture, or actively participate in community gardens. I know some of us utilize public transportation or have chosen to bike or walk, weather permitting, rather than driving. And I know—believe me, I know—that sometimes just the very idea that we have to do more, that we should do more—is just too exhausting or time consuming to even think about. I had a friend once say, “What’s the use of my choosing to bike everywhere, when I know on the other side of the world someone is driving around in a gas-guzzling, oil-smoking, carbon-belching cheap little car and undoing everything I do?” Good question. As ethical people, as moral people, as thoughtful people, as people of faith, how do we respond? Are we simply deluding ourselves, can we really made a global difference by acting locally? Or perhaps the better question is: is the global difference we are making within ourselves, by living our values? And when we live our values, do we serve as an example of ethical co-habitating with this planet? We know our children watch how we act more than what we say. I know, because of my therapy background, that people attend more to the behavior of others than to their words. So if we make that extra effort, if we consciously, intentionally act as ethical co-habitators with earth, perhaps others will notice and consider being better co-habitators with earth; perhaps our children will notice, perhaps our children will pass on these values.
Can we make a significant difference in greenhouse gases today through our action? Maybe not. But if we never try, we know we will never make a difference. We, you and I, all of us, will never be that light that shines on a new path, on a new way of being, if we don’t try, if we don’t try at least some of the time. If we don’t try at least some of the time, we are saying through our behavior that there is no hope for change, now or in the future. And I cannot, and I hope you will not, go there.
One of the keynote speakers at the Prairie Star District Annual Conference, our local Unitarian Universalist District of churches, was Linda Barnes, a member of the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Ames, Iowa, and an advocate of environmentally sustainable agriculture. She is not only an advocate of this type of agriculture; she has chosen to live her values. She and her family recently moved into a restored farmstead in rural Iowa and now operate a small diversified farm reminiscent of the self-sufficient farms of years gone by. She has incorporated wind power for electricity on her farm. And she and her husband are one of the first partners in Wholesome Harvest Organic Meats, an organic meat co-op that distributes products nationwide. She said at the conference: “We bought the farm to nurture ourselves and our family, to give to it of ourselves physically and spiritually. It strikes me as odd that we call the land our own, what I really want is for the land to call me its own. I want to belong. I want to feel the timelessness of the soil in my soul and the sunshine on my skin. I want to watch storms approach with calm mindful appreciation. I want to hear the prairie winds in my ears, and feel its freedom in my spirit. I want to belong. This is the heart of the seventh principle for me, the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.”
We may not be able to choose to make the radically life altering decisions that Linda and her family have made to live their values through sustainable agriculture on a farm far from an Urban center, but we can listen to how she has been transformed and take her words to heart. Linda says so eloquently what I have tried to express, that our beliefs, our faith must incorporate mother earth into them. We must want to belong to mother earth, not the other way around. We must reach out to our blue boat home with calm mindful appreciation. We must feel the connection to our planet in our soul. When we hold these beliefs, it is much more likely that we will act in ways to respect, honor, save our mother earth. When we hold this faith in our souls, we are more likely to prophetically call all people to act more responsibly toward the rich resources that we have been privileged to use. When we feel the soil in our soul, when we experience the freedom of the wind in our spirit, we will be transformed.
We will not be transformed if we stay in our homes watching TV or on the computer because we are living detached from the sky, the wind, the animals, and rocks. We will not be transformed if we go to the grocery store and buy whatever our taste buds desire, regardless of where it came from or how corporate farming destroyed the soil to produce it, or how humans have cut down vast forests, thus changing our climate, to create farmland for the veggies and fruits we like. We will not be transformed simply by educating ourselves on climate change or pollution or water resources. We will be transformed if we touch our blue boat home, if we consciously make sustainable decisions, if we hold in our hearts and speak with our voices respect for and honor of our planet and its resources, if we work together to be as green as we can in all that we do, and mostly we will be transformed if we demonstrate our love for our blue boat home with all its people, creatures, plants, and rocks.
I call you to the depth of your being to love your planet, your blue boat home, and belong to the earth.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
What can we do?
What are religious issues that I can become involved in? This question has two parts. First, what are religious issues, and second, what can I become involved in? As we look at what are religious issues, we might look at every aspect of life itself. If we see our how we live our lives as a reflection of what our beliefs are, then there is not one aspect of our lives that isn’t religious. So let us start by looking at the aspects of our lives where we might have some immediate positive consequences: how we treat other people and how we treat our planet.
There is a lot written in all religious traditions about how we should treat one another, but what is common in all the major world religious traditions is the Golden Rule. The Golden Rule is stated in: Judaism—“you shall love your neighbor as yourself (Leviticus, Jewish Bible)”; Islam—“Not one of you is a believer until he loves his brother what he loves for himself (Forty Hadith of an Nawawi)”; Confucianism-- “What you do not want done to yourself, do not do unto others (Mencius)”; Hinduism—“Do naught to others which, if done to thee, would cause thee pain: this is the sum of duty (the Mahabharata).” Unitarian minister and writer Ralph Waldo Emerson spoke to the Golden Rule: “It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.” One personal religious change we could make that would have immediate positive consequences, would be to commit to ourselves to become kinder and more compassionate to other people—whether we have the same beliefs/culture/lifestyle as they do or not. Regardless of our faith, perhaps we can remember as we live in our world that “no one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God lives in us (New Testament, 1 John, Christian Bible).”
Another important issue that I believe we must affirm as religious is how we treat our planet. Again virtually all major religions have something to say about how we treat our planet and the creatures that live on it. Buddhist writings say: “Just as a mother, with her own life, protects her only child from hurt, so with yourself foster a limitless concern for every living creature. Display a heart of boundless love for all the world in all its height and depth and broad extent (Dhammapada).” In the book of Psalms (Jewish Bible), it is written: “The Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. The Lord is good to all, and his compassion is over all he has made.” I believe we are called to be kind and compassionate to every living creature on our planet and be responsible stewards of our planet as well—“A good person takes care of his/her animals, but wicked people are cruel to theirs (Jewish Bible, Proverbs).”
As we consider making any changes in our behavior, we might wonder, would my little change in behavior make any difference? Dorothy Day wrote: “People say, what is the sense of our small effort. They cannot see that we must lay one brick at a time, take one step at a time. A pebble cast into a pond causes ripples that spread in all directions. Each one of our thoughts, words and deeds is like that. No one has a right to sit down and feel hopeless. There’s too much work to do.”
If we change our behavior we will affect those around us. If we are more intentionally kinder and more compassionate to people and creatures, if we act as responsible stewards of our planet, we may begin to notice those around us following our example. However, we must remember that we cannot expect that when we change that others around us will inevitably change—they are only given the opportunity to change when we change. When we live our faith, we must live it in our behavior toward others and our world, we are pebbles causing ripples that spread in all directions, and we may not know who or what our ripples may influence, but our ripples will have an influence on our world.
There is a lot written in all religious traditions about how we should treat one another, but what is common in all the major world religious traditions is the Golden Rule. The Golden Rule is stated in: Judaism—“you shall love your neighbor as yourself (Leviticus, Jewish Bible)”; Islam—“Not one of you is a believer until he loves his brother what he loves for himself (Forty Hadith of an Nawawi)”; Confucianism-- “What you do not want done to yourself, do not do unto others (Mencius)”; Hinduism—“Do naught to others which, if done to thee, would cause thee pain: this is the sum of duty (the Mahabharata).” Unitarian minister and writer Ralph Waldo Emerson spoke to the Golden Rule: “It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.” One personal religious change we could make that would have immediate positive consequences, would be to commit to ourselves to become kinder and more compassionate to other people—whether we have the same beliefs/culture/lifestyle as they do or not. Regardless of our faith, perhaps we can remember as we live in our world that “no one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God lives in us (New Testament, 1 John, Christian Bible).”
Another important issue that I believe we must affirm as religious is how we treat our planet. Again virtually all major religions have something to say about how we treat our planet and the creatures that live on it. Buddhist writings say: “Just as a mother, with her own life, protects her only child from hurt, so with yourself foster a limitless concern for every living creature. Display a heart of boundless love for all the world in all its height and depth and broad extent (Dhammapada).” In the book of Psalms (Jewish Bible), it is written: “The Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. The Lord is good to all, and his compassion is over all he has made.” I believe we are called to be kind and compassionate to every living creature on our planet and be responsible stewards of our planet as well—“A good person takes care of his/her animals, but wicked people are cruel to theirs (Jewish Bible, Proverbs).”
As we consider making any changes in our behavior, we might wonder, would my little change in behavior make any difference? Dorothy Day wrote: “People say, what is the sense of our small effort. They cannot see that we must lay one brick at a time, take one step at a time. A pebble cast into a pond causes ripples that spread in all directions. Each one of our thoughts, words and deeds is like that. No one has a right to sit down and feel hopeless. There’s too much work to do.”
If we change our behavior we will affect those around us. If we are more intentionally kinder and more compassionate to people and creatures, if we act as responsible stewards of our planet, we may begin to notice those around us following our example. However, we must remember that we cannot expect that when we change that others around us will inevitably change—they are only given the opportunity to change when we change. When we live our faith, we must live it in our behavior toward others and our world, we are pebbles causing ripples that spread in all directions, and we may not know who or what our ripples may influence, but our ripples will have an influence on our world.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Men and Faith
There is much literature/studies out there that suggest that men and women think differently. If we think differently, perhaps we work through out emotional and spiritual issues differently as well. I see more women attending and supporting faith communities, than men. Perhaps that has something to do with our differences in dealing with our heart and soul issues. Even those of us men who have some insight into our issues and into our spiritual lives are not always able to connect with other men, even our own sons, on issues related to emotional and spiritual growth.
A male friend of mine, let’s call him John, had been struggling with issues of connecting with his son, John, Jr., for many years. John is a psychotherapist. He brought John, Jr. up, as he thought was best. He tried to connect with John, Jr. by being more expressive of his feelings, by being more nurturing, by being more attentive, than his father had been to him; he even brought John, Jr. with him to church to share his spiritual beliefs. He tried to teach John, Jr. to express his feelings and to have some kind of connection with a higher power. John, Jr. grew up, got married, and had a son. John, Jr.’s life seemed to be going great. John, Jr. had a good job, a loving wife, a bouncing baby boy, and a new home. Then John, Jr. had an affair that blew his life apart. He hurt his wife, who divorced him. John Jr.’s whole family felt the pain from this catastrophic event. John, Jr. felt so much guilt he was almost unable to function. For some months John, Jr. could not pull his life back together. He could not express his feelings. John, Jr. could not connect with anyone, friend or family. One day, John asked John, Jr. to help him build a fort for all the grandchildren. The two men (father and emotionally injured son) began to build. They hammered and nailed and sweated and worked. And they connected. They became close and intimate, working side by side. And John, Jr. began to talk about his feeling as they worked, and John, Jr. began to heal. And as men, they were able to end the day working and joking with each other. Side to side intimacy, two men working together, helped John, Jr. open up and begin to heal. Sometimes men are not able to work through their emotions face to face, even when they have had experience expressing emotions.
Side to side intimacy may also be a way men can share their spirituality. When I was a member of a church in Houston, I started a men’s group that grew to more than 50 men. We shared a yearly Goat Roast with bonfire and talking stick. We had a yearly retreat with drumming and venison chili. At this men’s group, we talked about our pains, our ways of dealing with problems, our spiritual journeys. We were intimate and vulnerable with one another. We also joked with each other, poked fun at each other’s expense, and enjoyed each other’s company. The kind of gatherings we had blended the emotional, the spiritual, and the ridiculous. We also took it upon ourselves to work around the church, building and repairing the structure, while we also build and repaired our relationships with one another. Perhaps men need time side by side to grow their spirituality, their beliefs, their faith.
A male friend of mine, let’s call him John, had been struggling with issues of connecting with his son, John, Jr., for many years. John is a psychotherapist. He brought John, Jr. up, as he thought was best. He tried to connect with John, Jr. by being more expressive of his feelings, by being more nurturing, by being more attentive, than his father had been to him; he even brought John, Jr. with him to church to share his spiritual beliefs. He tried to teach John, Jr. to express his feelings and to have some kind of connection with a higher power. John, Jr. grew up, got married, and had a son. John, Jr.’s life seemed to be going great. John, Jr. had a good job, a loving wife, a bouncing baby boy, and a new home. Then John, Jr. had an affair that blew his life apart. He hurt his wife, who divorced him. John Jr.’s whole family felt the pain from this catastrophic event. John, Jr. felt so much guilt he was almost unable to function. For some months John, Jr. could not pull his life back together. He could not express his feelings. John, Jr. could not connect with anyone, friend or family. One day, John asked John, Jr. to help him build a fort for all the grandchildren. The two men (father and emotionally injured son) began to build. They hammered and nailed and sweated and worked. And they connected. They became close and intimate, working side by side. And John, Jr. began to talk about his feeling as they worked, and John, Jr. began to heal. And as men, they were able to end the day working and joking with each other. Side to side intimacy, two men working together, helped John, Jr. open up and begin to heal. Sometimes men are not able to work through their emotions face to face, even when they have had experience expressing emotions.
Side to side intimacy may also be a way men can share their spirituality. When I was a member of a church in Houston, I started a men’s group that grew to more than 50 men. We shared a yearly Goat Roast with bonfire and talking stick. We had a yearly retreat with drumming and venison chili. At this men’s group, we talked about our pains, our ways of dealing with problems, our spiritual journeys. We were intimate and vulnerable with one another. We also joked with each other, poked fun at each other’s expense, and enjoyed each other’s company. The kind of gatherings we had blended the emotional, the spiritual, and the ridiculous. We also took it upon ourselves to work around the church, building and repairing the structure, while we also build and repaired our relationships with one another. Perhaps men need time side by side to grow their spirituality, their beliefs, their faith.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
A Little About Prayer
I think of prayer as a time when I reach out and in to something greater than myself and speak from my heart. Sometimes, I hear that still small voice, speak to me in response. Sometimes I don’t. Regardless, I feel it is important to speak from my heart daily, so I can note what I am grateful for and send my blessings out into the world.
I have heard, though, that there are four things that are said in prayers are: Thanks! Wow! Gimme! and Oops! Some of us might say Gimme prayers, though probably most of us ask for things for other people, particularly people in need or experiencing injustice. We might find value in the Thanks prayer for this wonderful life or this wonderful day. We might say the Wow prayer, when we are experiencing something awe inspiring or beautiful. We might also find ourselves using the Oops prayer, when we do something in the here and now that we know is not consistent with our values or ethics. However, most times when we pray or meditate, we are not sure what we are doing or to what/whom we are talking to in prayer.
I found this Prayer of Not Knowing by Regina Sara Ryan, and I offer it as a possible way of opening up to prayer, without necessarily knowing exactly what we are doing. In parenthesis I placed other words that might be used as synonyms for the divine that resides in and around us.
O God (or Spirit of Life or Mystery or Humanity or Nature), I do not know how to pray. Because I do not know what it means to pray properly, to pray in such a way as to serve or worship, I must offer what I have and can do, as the prayer. And here it is.
Let this posture be the prayer
Let this intention be the prayer
Let this very not-knowing be the prayer
Let this breath be the prayer
Let this resistance and discomfort be the prayer
Let this distraction be the prayer
Let this drinking of tea be the prayer
Let this eating of breakfast be the prayer
Let this hectic schedule be the prayer
Let this attempt at Remembrance be the prayer
Let the steps walked in silence across the parking lot be the prayer
Let the birdsong noted be the prayer
Let this poor journal writing be the prayer
Let the vastness of the night sky be the prayer
Let worrying, and then dropping the worry be the prayer
Let chanting and dancing and reading be the prayer
Let dressing and undressing be the prayer
Let sleeping and rising and sleeping and rising be the prayer
Let missing someone be the prayer
Let memories and whispered calls for help for others be the prayer
Let opening the door and putting on and taking off shoes be the prayer
Let the keeping of simple order be the prayer
Let the celebration of light and darkness be the prayer
Let warmth and cold be the prayer
Let all of it, not bad, not good, just as it is and wondrous...
be the prayer.
O God (or Spirit of Life or Mystery or Humanity or Nature), in my helplessness, from nowhere, with nothing, let these poor prayers, as flowers, draw You to the garden from which their fragrance arises. Amen.
I have heard, though, that there are four things that are said in prayers are: Thanks! Wow! Gimme! and Oops! Some of us might say Gimme prayers, though probably most of us ask for things for other people, particularly people in need or experiencing injustice. We might find value in the Thanks prayer for this wonderful life or this wonderful day. We might say the Wow prayer, when we are experiencing something awe inspiring or beautiful. We might also find ourselves using the Oops prayer, when we do something in the here and now that we know is not consistent with our values or ethics. However, most times when we pray or meditate, we are not sure what we are doing or to what/whom we are talking to in prayer.
I found this Prayer of Not Knowing by Regina Sara Ryan, and I offer it as a possible way of opening up to prayer, without necessarily knowing exactly what we are doing. In parenthesis I placed other words that might be used as synonyms for the divine that resides in and around us.
O God (or Spirit of Life or Mystery or Humanity or Nature), I do not know how to pray. Because I do not know what it means to pray properly, to pray in such a way as to serve or worship, I must offer what I have and can do, as the prayer. And here it is.
Let this posture be the prayer
Let this intention be the prayer
Let this very not-knowing be the prayer
Let this breath be the prayer
Let this resistance and discomfort be the prayer
Let this distraction be the prayer
Let this drinking of tea be the prayer
Let this eating of breakfast be the prayer
Let this hectic schedule be the prayer
Let this attempt at Remembrance be the prayer
Let the steps walked in silence across the parking lot be the prayer
Let the birdsong noted be the prayer
Let this poor journal writing be the prayer
Let the vastness of the night sky be the prayer
Let worrying, and then dropping the worry be the prayer
Let chanting and dancing and reading be the prayer
Let dressing and undressing be the prayer
Let sleeping and rising and sleeping and rising be the prayer
Let missing someone be the prayer
Let memories and whispered calls for help for others be the prayer
Let opening the door and putting on and taking off shoes be the prayer
Let the keeping of simple order be the prayer
Let the celebration of light and darkness be the prayer
Let warmth and cold be the prayer
Let all of it, not bad, not good, just as it is and wondrous...
be the prayer.
O God (or Spirit of Life or Mystery or Humanity or Nature), in my helplessness, from nowhere, with nothing, let these poor prayers, as flowers, draw You to the garden from which their fragrance arises. Amen.
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